I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
