Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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