You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
