There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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