Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
