she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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