He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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