so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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