I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
