did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
