no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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