Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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