I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The power of my boobs compel you
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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