proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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