I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my poor anus
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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