Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
