Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize