Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize