Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
