did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
