Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
