You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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