I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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