Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
