she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize