Already got asked if we're dating
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
