Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize