i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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