I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
