Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
