I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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