i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
