I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
