..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
