Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
