he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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