my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
