did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
