Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
