the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dicks are not precious.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize