You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
