She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
pray to the hookup gods
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
