Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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