I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize