I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
