I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
