update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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