Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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