seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
