as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
