You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
