Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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