So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
