i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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