I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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