I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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