dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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