I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize