She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
