Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
