it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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