he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
