East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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