my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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