yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
