Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
