You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
